Have you ever wondered…
Why do we react the way we do?
Why some days we’re filled with joy—
And other days, we’re drowning in emotions we can’t even explain?
Why do certain people or places make us feel safe…
While others trigger something deep and unsettling inside us?
And why does one simple four-letter word—FEAR—
Have the power to stop us in our tracks?
I asked myself these questions for years.
What I came to realize is something most of us live with—
But rarely talk about:
Our subconscious mind is running the show.
Every day. Every moment.
Our reactions, habits, even the way we love… are not always conscious choices.
They are programs—deeply embedded scripts
Written by past experiences, pain, fears, shame, guilt…
Most of which we never chose for ourselves.
Let me be vulnerable with you.
I have a stubborn personality.
And as a true Taurus—stubbornness came naturally.
Even when I wanted to change,
A part of me resisted.
Because here’s the truth I learned the hard way:
Pain loves pain.
The ego is strangely addicted to the familiar—even if that familiar is suffering.
Years ago, when I moved from Mumbai to Los Angeles after marriage,
This pattern became very real.
I had left behind everything—my family, my language, my way of life.
And suddenly, I was in a city with hardly any Indian population.
Our friends were 20 years older than us.
There were only two Indian grocery stores in the entire city.
I felt isolated. Disconnected.
And my stubborn mind kept resisting the change.
I clung to what was no longer mine.
And that clinging brought pain.
But back then, I didn’t know that what I was really resisting…
Was my own growth.
Through meditation camps, something shifted.
For the first time, I became aware of my unconscious triggers.
I saw how I would react without thinking,
How a single comment could pull out hidden fear or insecurity from years ago.
I realized—
Self-sabotage is automation.
It’s your subconscious hitting “play” on the same painful pattern over and over.
And I asked myself:
Where is this coming from?
When did it begin?
Whose voice is this? Mine? Or someone else’s?
That was the moment my healing began.
Because until you ask these questions…
Until you sit with the discomfort…
Until you’re willing to go to the root,
You cannot grow. You cannot transform.
Awareness is the beginning of everything.
It’s the light that brings the shadows into view.
It’s the pause between trigger and reaction.
It’s the choice to respond with truth instead of fear.
So if you find yourself stuck in old patterns,
Reacting the same way to different situations…
Ask yourself:
Is this really me? Or is this my programming?
You are not your reactions.
You are not your pain.
You are the awareness behind it all.
And once you become conscious,
You get to rewrite the story.