grudges are rarely about “small things” but about deep emotional wounds that were never healed or acknowledged.
Why People Hold Grudges for Years
Grudges can stay buried in the heart for years—
sometimes decades—
not because the hurt is small,
but because it feels personal, unresolved, and invisible.
They often grow out of betrayal, injustice, or hurt that was never acknowledged.
Here are common types of grudges people silently hold .
Betrayal by a Friend
- Example: A friend sharing a secret or taking someone else’s side during a conflict.
- Why it sticks: Trust, once broken, is hard to rebuild. Being hurt by someone once close makes people question their own judgment and worth.
Family Conflicts
- Example: Fights over inheritance, favoritism, or being excluded from family gatherings.
- Why it sticks: Family is supposed to be unconditional. When that bond feels violated, it cuts especially deep.
Romantic Betrayals
- Example: Infidelity, emotional neglect, or sudden abandonment.
- Why it sticks: Love requires vulnerability. Betrayal creates not just heartbreak but also shame and self-doubt.
Workplace Slights
- Example: Being passed over for a promotion, having ideas stolen, or being humiliated publicly.
- Why it sticks: Careers tie into our identity and pride. Even years later, resentment can remain linked to our sense of self-worth.
Lack of Closure or Unacknowledged Apologies
- Example: The person never apologized—or didn’t seem to care.
- Why it sticks: When harm is never acknowledged, the hurt person feels unseen, which keeps the wound open.
Public Embarrassment or Disrespect
- Example: Being mocked, belittled, or blamed unfairly in front of others.
- Why it sticks: Public humiliation wounds pride. People often replay the moment over and over in their mind.
Injustice or Unfair Treatment
- Example: Being blamed for something you didn’t do or watching someone else get away with it.
- Why it sticks: When fairness is violated and there’s no recourse, the sense of injustice can calcify into resentment.
Emotional Abandonment in Hard Times
- Example: Friends or family disappearing during grief, illness, divorce, or crisis.
- Why it sticks: Abandonment can feel like silent betrayal. Because it’s rarely confronted, the pain just lingers quietly.
Grudges are often not about revenge — they are about longing.
Longing to be seen, heard, and acknowledged.
And healing begins when we understand that what we are holding onto
is not just anger…
but unexpressed hurt.